Comments on: An open letter to all youth group parents

By: Marissa

Marissa — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:41:59 +0000

Great letter!! I have a friends who’s parents grounded him from youth group..I can’t understand why they did this..if he’s getting into trouble I think it would make more sense to send him to youth group and church so he can get help..

By: [Life on Life.]: Open Letters

[Life on Life.]: Open Letters — Wed, 14 May 2008 19:41:10 +0000

[...] Tim Schmoyer recently posted an open letter to his blog that he’d love to send to parents of his students. I thought this was well written and wanted to share here. Sometimes I’d love to fire these “open letters” to people we minister to in our churches. Often I feel people “don’t get it.” Whether you are a lead pastor, youth or associate pastor you can resonate with this I’m sure. Good job, Tim.Dear Parent,It seems like more and more of your kids are coming to church without you. I know you see this as a pretty good deal for your student since you get some quiet time at home and most of the events we do are paid-for, but you should know that there is no greater influence in your child’s life than you. Whether they tell you or not, your kid actually wants you involved in their life, even here at church. Come visit us sometime with your student and see how your relationship can grow together!And then there’s some of you who actually forbid your teenager from attending youth Bible studies. You should know that the church is one of the last places on earth where basic morality and values are still taught, since schools are now forbidden to do so. We teach your teenager to obey you and respect you because that’s what the Lord expects from them. We also help your teenager address matters like relationships, making good choices, and setting priorities. With all the negativity and lies the media is using to bombard teenagers, we remain a light to help steer your student toward a growing relationship with the Lord.Parents, please guide your child to be faithful in church attendance. Teenagers aren’t allowed to choose whether or not they want to go to school. Neither should you assume that they are mature enough to decide for themselves about church. Please, do not enable them to form … [read more here] [...]

By: jose

jose — Mon, 12 May 2008 19:23:12 +0000

@Tim
Yes I agree that parents should encourage attendance and in my experience most do. I agree about finding other things to “take away” first. As a consequence for something a Youth Group kid of mine did, one of my Christian families took away his full Varsity sophmore year of baseball. He also missed opportunities to participate in a youth group trip and several events we had.

I am not advocating that parents use “grounding from church” as “the” form of discipline. I am suggesting that sometimes it may be the only leveraging tool the parent is left with. The difficulties and challenges of having kids in any home are really unknown to everyone “outside” those particular four walls.

I deal mostly with un-churched teens and that is the avenue I approached this subject. (Take note of my “favorite place” comment’s intro)

I agree that usually families don’t use the time (given by grounding) to invest spiritually and that is to the fault of the parents and undermines what we try to instill in their teens. However, we must continue to pray.

I find that talking and loving on parents is more like real youth ministry anyway. I absolutely love being around teens but am growing up more and more and finding that influence on teens will happen when I can also influence their parents.

By: Tim Schmoyer

Tim Schmoyer — Mon, 12 May 2008 18:20:46 +0000

@ Jose: I do not have children, so I cannot speak from experience, but my (uneducated) opinion is that I would always encourage church to my teen, ESPECIALLY if it is their favorite place. Instead, I might take away things like participation in their next sports game (what parent has ever done this?), take away the sport altogether, TV, Internet, car, etc.

I also agree that the parent is the most influential person in a teen’s life, but reality is that most parents do not ground their kids from church and instead use that time to invest into their child spiritually at home. In fact, that rarely happens regardless of if grounding is involved or not, which says more about the parents than anything else.

By: jose

jose — Mon, 12 May 2008 17:38:11 +0000

I love the letter, but have a different understanding of the “grounding from youth group” issue. I know and sincerely believe that Church is still one of the last frontiers for teaching moral absolutes but having children helps me evaluate this idea of grounding from youth group differently.

Prior to having children I would be hurt and try to convince parents and teens to make it to Church events and not use grounding. Now I understand why they use grounding from church events. Especially but not exclusively non church going families…because it may be the most favorite place for their teen to be and thus the only effective form of discipline.

We may not like it because we feel the best place for the teen to be is at church, but that is not entirely true. If we say the parent has the most influence in a child’s life, then we would have to say that the best place for a child to grow in Christ is in a Christ centered home with the love and support of a Christo-centric church body. (this statement is not applicable entirely to a non-christian family)

By: G-ma B

G-ma B — Fri, 02 May 2008 02:15:51 +0000

EXCELLENT.. EXCELLENT… YOU COVERED MOST OF THE BASES !!
GOD BLESS YOUR EVERY EFFORT, AND “KEEP YOURSELF ENCOURAGED IN THE LORD !”

By: Jake

Jake — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:30:05 +0000

Wow! This letter is definitely off the chain, Tim. Dude, I love your site and I have learned muchos much from you. The free ebook was good stuff as well. I am definitely saving your letter and I appreciate the encouragement. Have a great day in the Lord!

By: Lance

Lance — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:05:04 +0000

great letter… thanks for stirring the pot!

By: Shane

Shane — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:05:18 +0000

I have tried to tell parents who don’t come to church but who send their children that they are sending a very loud message: “Church is for children.” Once their child starts wanting to act like an adult they will start pulling away from church as well. One of the big reason I think that older students and college kids pull away is because of “drop-off” parents.

Children model their parents. It is that simple.

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:03:00 +0000

Tim this is awesome. I wish more parents would invest in the lives of their kids and not treat us like child care providers.

By: GiGi

GiGi — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:55:54 +0000

Amen Tim. Amen.

By: An Open Letter to All Youth Group Parents « elevating a generation

An Open Letter to All Youth Group Parents « elevating a generation — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:19:32 +0000

[...] I must be the guy who doesn’t “have the guts” to send something like this out (winking smile). Parts of it have rang true in various times during my tenure ministering to students. Click here to read it… [...]

By: Lee Roberts

Lee Roberts — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:15:16 +0000

Great letter Tim. And actually there are pieves of that letter I might use to send to some of my parents. I’d love to use the whole thing, but my faith in my caller id won’t allow me to take that next step. Thanks.

By: Shawn

Shawn — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:52:11 +0000

Good stuff, Tim. Lots of stuff in there I’ve wanted addressed at times. (smile)

By: ky_wildcat

ky_wildcat — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:51:09 +0000

Great letter although I am not sure about actually sending it out to parents.

By: Dustin Wilson

Dustin Wilson — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:39:21 +0000

Love it! It hits home with a lot of youth pastors like myself.

By: doctorheadly

doctorheadly — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:49:34 +0000

i love this letter. especially the points about grounding your teen from youth meetings.

By: Eastview Parents

Eastview Parents — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

ministers as well as youth ministry and culture websites, some are podcasts and sermons I listen to, others are books, many of which I own, and are available for me to loan to you. Weblogs/Web Pages: “Understanding and Parenting Your Teen” “An Open Letter to All Youth Group Parents” “Center for Parent Youth Understanding” Podcasts “A Vision For the Next Generation” A five-part series from John Piper on the importance of the people of the next generation (our students) within the Body of Christ. The link for the

By: Phillip Santillan - An Associate Pastor of a Calvary Chapel in South Orlando

Phillip Santillan - An Associate Pastor of a Calvary Chapel in South Orlando — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Whether you’re supportive of the youth ministry or not, please do not gossip about it or spread your negativity unless you’re speaking directly to me about it…Read the whole letter here