What do we do from here? Obviously we've allowed several of those 10 "ways to burn out" begin to smother our lives. I know this is a hard time, and I think we can get through it, but now that we're at this place where so many things seem hopeless, I don't know how we take back what we lost or make a change in our lives apart from leaving the church… at least for a time.

Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated, as well as your prayers.

My husband and I moved halfway across the country this summer after graduating from college because we found a wonderful church where my husband could fill a staff position as youth pastor.

Every month since August has been darker for us, and I know as we have tried to give this church our all (being new and very naive) we have fallen into an apathy. We can't afford 2 tickets to fly home for Christmas, just the straw that broke the camel's back.

What I don’t get, though, is when church leadership tells you they support you because they “have” to. I’ve heard this in an annual review before: “We don’t agree with a lot of what you’re doing, but you’re our youth pastor so we have to support you anyway.” What’s that about? That’s like saying, “We really don’t want to support you, but we have to support you now anyway because it was too much trouble to communicate with you about such-and-such earlier.”

Mike Yaconelli’s list here would be great to send out to pastors, although it might seem weird if pastors received it from their own youth pastor. Maybe we should all send it to each other’s pastors instead? :)

My hope is that churches who employ youth staff will recognise more and more the responsibility they have to help ensure their workers don’t burn out… and while there may have been some stides forward on this (better pay, time off, role agreements etc) there is still a long ways to go (I’m referring mainly to the Irish/Uk context here).

Personally… the big changes for me came when I got married 10 years ago and when my 2 daughters were born. It was sometimes and still is a challenge and battle to ensure my wife and kids top the priority list. I don’t want my family to become a casualty of my youth ministry passion – if you don’t have your family you don’t have your ministry. And I don’t want my little girls growing up to hate God or the Church because that is what kept their Dad busy and unavailable to read them stories or tuck them in at night.

Some of the best advice churches could adopt to help us keep ourselves healthy and burn out free was given by Mike Yaconelli. It was in the context of the quick turnover of youth staff but it equally applies to this issue. I’m pasting it below (sorry for the length) but it is wonderful and if only Pastors and churches could see the value in doing it. I wonder how many of us have experienced these burn out reducing measures?

“I have a solution for the long-held belief that youth workers average about 18 months in a church before they move on or are moved out. I guarantee if pastors implement my suggestions, the average stay of a youth worker could triple or even quadruple. We’re talking miracle here.

Believe that your primary job as pastor is to care for the spiritual life of your youth worker. Support the youth worker at any cost, because it will cost you.

Explain to the church that you expect the youth worker to be “out of the office” most of the time because a youth worker’s office is his car, McDonald’s, football stands, band hall, and surfboard.

Remind the church that when your youth worker’s at camp, she’s working.

When your youth worker makes a mistake, come to his defence. Help the church understand that mistakes are part of the job and that you couldn’t be more pleased that you have a youth worker who’s taking risks and pushing the envelope.

Keep pushing to increase the youth worker’s salary and the youth budget.

Once a year, encourage church members with means to provide a weekend getaway at a cabin or beach house or condo for the youth worker and her family. Stock the refrigerator with food, arrange baby sitting, and tell her to take the weekend off—she deserves it.

Support his family. Encourage the youth worker to divide the day into three parts and work only two of them. Check on his marriage, and give him plenty of slack when the new baby arrives.

Before the job even starts, meet with the youth worker and then the board to make sure everyone’s on the same page when it comes to expectations and results. Whatever you do, make sure that numbers and attendance are not the sole or primary success markers.

Don’t expect that, now that you’ve hired a youth worker, she’ll do all the youth work. Expect the congregation to volunteer to help the youth worker, and if there’s no response, go with the youth worker to personally invite others to help. Believe that, for every five kids in the junior high or high school youth group, there should be one volunteer adult meeting with those kids on a regular basis.

Part of the youth worker’s job description should be the expectation that she takes one day a week on silent retreat, three days every three months, and one week a year just for working on her soul. Also give her a restricted budget for books that are just about our souls.

Ask the wisest elder in your church to attend the youth meetings and report back each month what he saw.

Continually affirm and encourage your youth worker.

@ Pete Lev: That’s a great addition! It’s kinda in #2, as well, but I think you stated it much clearer. Thanks!

Making Difference Makers