The kids still come, though.

Translation: Your youth program is effective while our adult programs suck beyond belief.

Parent: What time does youth fellowship start?
Translation: I haven’t yet noticed that it has been the same time for the past 8 years.

Youth pastor search committee: “What’s your plan for keeping graduating seniors in church after high school?” (Translation: What’s your plan for keeping graduating seniors in OUR church after high school?)

Translation : I would really like the young people to become mini me’s. As long as their contributions are smaller versions of what we already do then that’s fine

Parent : … Anything that follows (in a particular tone of voice and context)…. “have you ever thought about …”

Translation : I secretly think that I could do your job better than you but don’t want to commit to it, so instead I’m going to make suggestions about things you’re not already doing that I think you should

Finally, one of the young people I work with last week said to me “so Claire, what is your job? I mean what do you do that you get paid for?” … he had no idea of the hidden depths there were to that question!

Pastor: This is a Youth Space first, then community.
Translation: This is a youth space… unless a friend of the church has money to pay us to use it… then find somewhere else.

Pastor: The church has to have one vision. And it has to be my vision as the senior pastor.
Translation: The vision I invited you to cast for our youth is making me uncomfortable, so remember that I am the boss.

Student: I’m not being challenged enough at group time.
Translation: I would rather spend time with my boyfriend

Student: I was planning on coming, but then i fell asleep
Translation: I would rather spend time with my boyfriend

Pastor: This is a space for teens
Translation: Stay in your classroom and don’t have any drinks or food in your room.

and the one that took the cake for me…

Pastor: This church is extremely committed to the youth and wants to see them involved.
Translation: We want our teens to be perfectly behaved, and content with whatever we as older adults do and not offer them anything that catches them where they are at… that is your job during your time with them.

Translation: “I really don’t like the fact you’re treating my son/daughter like a person who is going to be an adult soon. I’d rather you treat him/her like he was still in middle school because I have a problem with letting my child grow up.”

“Are you employed by Camp XXXXXXX now?”

First, you BARELY pay me, and then secondly, you complain about there not being enough adult supervision on events, and third, you were one that voted on the Safe Sanctuary policy for our church that says for every six youth we need one adult chaperone. Basically what these parents are saying is we want a quality youth program, but we don’t want to be pushed out of our comfort zone by helping out with time and money.

Translation: I’m not really tuned into the fact that you were out past 10:00 the past three nights doing youth activities, but I need to show you who’s boss around here.

But I’m not bitter.

“The youth are the future church”

Um, so they aren’t actually part of the Body of Christ now? Yeah, I’m touchy.

This after months of trying to get the girls to come to any event at church along with youth group.

Oh well.

Parent: We can’t go to church as a family with the high school ministry meeting at night.

Translation: I can’t get my teenager out of bed to make the 11 am service and I thought the high school ministry was a teenage sitting service while I go to church.

Pastor: “If you try to oppose me, we will see who will win.”
(Translation: Don’t disagree with me, especially in public.)

Pastor: “I know we talk a lot about grace, but when it comes to our staff, it is performance, not grace.”
(Translation: I don’t really believe all the nice words I say in the pulpit.)

Parent: “My son (or daughter) doesn’t really get anything out of your teaching.”
(Translation: My kid doesn’t think you are cool enough to learn from.” Not always true, but it was in this case.)

Parent: “I would really like to be involved in leading a group, but only if it is my own kid’s group.”
(Translation: I am really controlling and co-dependant with my kids and I am not sure I trust anyone else to teach. Basically I fell threatened by most people.”)

Teen: “Chuck Norris likes Mondays because if he didn’t, then there wouldn’t be any.”
(Translation: Chuck Norris likes Mondays because if he didn’t, then there wouldn’t be any.)

Translation: Numerical growth (synonymous for “spiritual growth” for some) equals BETTER PAY CHECK and JOB SECURITY.

(Hey, relational ministry SHOULD be easy for you, I mean, we BUILT A SWEET YOUTH ROOM! Why aren’t they coming?)

Translation: ?!?! Maybe “I don’t feel like coming out to church for a month.” or “There’s nothing left to take away from my teen except things related to spirituality.” or “They’re too old for spankings.” (kidding).

I don’t know.