Thanks for the topic suggestions. I think mentoring and accountability is something that is desperately needed, hence the mentorship team through LISM here. There will be an exciting post coming up about that sometime soon (actually, as soon as I can carve out some time to update the mentoring part of this site with the details).

When that high school group left, we pretty much stopped helping out with youth. The reason being, in my opinion now, was that we didn't connect with the younger kids that were coming up because we had become friends with the "cool seniors".

I am now so glad God helped me see the difference and very thankful nothing "wrong" ever came about through those relationships. I am now a responsible leader, and have their best interests in mind, not my own. I want to be their leader spiritually first, and not a friend.

Another point you could talk about in maybe your next blog could be about the importance, or not, of YP's having real adult connections such as mentors or accountability partners. I've got a mentor, though we've not spelled it out that way, and he is our current YD/AP. It is he who helped me see it was ok to be a man and work with kids. (Yes sadly I thought it was a woman's "job" because our previous YP was a woman and that was all I'd seen). He has helped me grow up a whole lot by seeing his witness, and have discussions with him. However, I do not have anyone for an accountability partner right now cuz I honestly don't have a deep relationship with an adult who could fill that void right now. So I'd love to see thoughts on these topics.

Thanks, I enjoy your perspective on things! God bless.

Your decision to do the right thing and remove that leader (if need be) will be one of the hardest things you ever do in ministry, and it will be the decision that bears the most fruit as well…"No Pain, No Gain."

I had to walk through a process like this one nearly two years ago and I followed all of the steps listed above, Prayer and Counsel from your Lead Pastor being the two most important. In the three-months following the choice to remove this leader, I had to deal with rejection from teenagers, other youth leaders and even parents who did not agree with my decision and who gossiped about me and blatantly attacked me before other leaders and parents. The fall-out is most heavy when you do not have longevity behind you yet.

I think the best way to handle this is to set guidelines up front about expectations of spiritual and emotional maturity and hold leaders to them. Not legalistic rules, but clear guidelines. In addition, it's great to train on these issues before they come up, and model them yourself.

Slightly OT: If you're in or around Colorado, the best training I've seen on this is by an adolescent psychologist in south Denver who used to be a youth pastor and is also an adjunct professor at Denver Seminary. He does a session on "Right Roles and Relationships" (regarding youth leaders and teenagers) that I've seen at least five times (he led our denominational YM training days in Colorado), and I always take something new away and it's great for new leaders. If you're interested in his info, send me a note: benjer at washingtonheights dot org.