How do I minister with someone who tears me down?

What advice do you have for this youth worker?

A reader sent me this to me and we dialogged about it over email a couple times, but they would love to have your input, as well. Post your advice in the comments and thanks for your help!

His story:
Thought I would say thanks for your ten commandments. I have been sending them to a [church leader] here that has been a real not so pleasant person. He is a great businessman but really has been giving people struggles when it comes to being a leader of faith. He tends to tear people down now so that he can get through what he wants to accomplish. I am not really sure how to read this individual because he an be your biggest pal one minute and then turn on you the next. I am tired of trying to play his game. Do you have any advice?

Posted on August 26, 2007

  • I sympathize with this youth worker.

    they need to be blunt with this person one-on-one, and f things do not improve, then take an impartial person with them and express the problems again. if this does not make any progress (this other person may not even realize that they are coming across like that) then the senior church leadership need to be involved. that should be the final piece.

    if this person is the senior leadership with the youth ministry program, then they need to prayerfully consider whether or not this other person is a benefit or a detriment to the ministry? Is it someone that they can work with or (what sounds more likely) is it someone that needs to be cut loose for a season?

    ultimately this other person needs to be made aware of just how far outside if the youth minstry’s mission he is. and remember… PRAYER. both by themself and with others

  • I’ve been in a situation like that before and I can tell you that if it isn’t addressed it could get really bad. I agree with Brett about how to approach the situation. It may be a case where this person does not want to see things go bad, so they want to try to have their way – to make sure the church is moving.

    As with any confrontation, go in with a non-aggressive attitude. Do not accuse or demand your rights. Try to talk and figure out what is behind the “twosidedness”

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