You might be a youth worker if, redneck style

You might be a youth worker if, redneck style

Topic / Youth Ministry

blog, Humor

The “Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear from your Youth Pastor” went over so well that I thought we’d do it again.

We’ve all heard Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” but let’s do it youth-worker-style. List your ideas in the comments below for, “You might be a youth worker if…” The people with the top 3 spots out of 10 as determined by me and my wife will each win 10 free music downloads from artists like Kutless, Hawk Nelson, Jeremy Camp, Thousand Foot Krutch, Falling Up and many new artists (provided by Tooth and Nail, BEC and Solid State Records). That’s a potential of three winners here! The contest ends Thursday, November 29, at 11:59 PM.

Here’s a couple I came up with to get you all started:

If you know what a blue flame is and think it’s fun, you might be a youth worker.
If you’ve heard these words from a Sr. Pastor, “Son, step into my office. We need to talk,” you might be a youth worker.
If you think jr. high lock-ins are a form of entertainment, you might be a youth worker.

Posted on November 26, 2007

http://www.serialyouthpastor.com Chris

If you get blamed for the sheep poop staining the carpet but it’s really the drama’s fault and you had nothing to do with it, you might be a youth worker.

If anytime someone comes into the office and asks if they’re ministry can have extra money and your SP shouts, really loud so you can hear, “Of course you can. We’ll take it out of the youth budget!” you might be a youth worker.

If you have the ER on speed dial you might be a youth worker.

If the guys at the glass replacement store in town know you by name and why you’re there when you first walk through the door you might be a youth worker.

If the furniture in your apartment is the stuff that the church was going to throw away from the youth room you might be a youth worker. (I even payed for one they were getting rid of)

If you have ever taken in a kid (whose parents have left town and left him behind) to disciple and see that he gets through the last 3 years of high school and never talks to his parents anymore becuase they don’t want to talk to him you might be a youth worker. (there is a GREAT story of redemption with this one that is absolutely true)

If you count the dents, scratches and cracked windows on the church van as “memories to remember this trip by” you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever thrown a hot tub party in the baptistery you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever played paint ball in the church gym and when confronted about it you said it was an abstract painting you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever had to explain to parents why you were 3 hours late returning home from an event because you “left” one of the students behind and had to go back and get them you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever found yourself stranded in an unknown town with a van (or multiple vans) full of kids becuase of a mechanical breakdown you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever been skiing/ snowboarding 4 hours from home and you get paged to the first aid room and you have to go to the ER becuase one of the girls from your youth group has a concussion you might be a youth worker. (thankfully her mom was on the trip as well)
http://www.myspace.com/teenfuel Liz

If you have ever taken a new kid on an outing and couldn’t keep up with them, didn’t know anything about them, you might be a youth worker.

If you have a sore throat after every youth meeting, you might be a youth worker.

If you’re over 40 and still trying to be cool..you might be a youth worker.

If when God first called you to the ministry, you fought it and fought it, you might be a youth worker.

If you have more fun in the flour sack race than your youth, you might be a youth worker.

If you were squashed between five youth that were taped to you, you might be a youth worker.

If you are constantly looking for new and interesting games to play, you might be a youth worker.

Love this, thanks!
Lucas

If the majority of your friends are under 18 and you are over 23

If the kids he youth group invite you to do non-church-related things with them and their friends

If you’ve ever been sad because you had to call the police on someone… again

If you’ve ever had to call the police because you knew kids in multiple gangs who were going to have a rumble

If you’ve ever hoped that tonight the specfic youth would be kicked out later than usual

If you know your youth group members birthdays, but not many members of your biological family

If you’ve ever felt like your only skill was loving kids, but realized that it was the only requirement for working with them

If you’ve ever been asked to get a girl (or guy)’s phone number for/from someone who was ten years younger than you

If you talk to kids that don’t know you, and somewhere along the line tell them that they shouldn’t really talk to strangers

If you give unsolicited moral advice to teens who you don’t know, when you meet them in public

If you’ve ever had to convince someone that it wasn’t playing when you were playing video games with your youth for the last three hours

If you know your limit on how long you can play video games straight until your eyes hurt really bad

If the kids in your youth group tell you ever time they have a day off of school, just in case you have that day off from work and can hang with them

If every story you tell at “work” has the phrase “one of the kids in the youth group” in it

You have enough equipment in your trunk to play more than two large group games at a moment’s notice

You go to camp and embarrass your kids because you are twice as excited about EVERYTHING as they are

You own multiples of many types of sports equipment (bicycles, baseball bats, baseball gloves, hockey sticks, etc.) because some of the kids might not have one
Lucas

If your Sunday School class starts later than the others because if it started on time, nobody would be there

If you have been to all the local high schools and/or middle schools within the last year

If you get paid for ten hours of work per week, but do forty

If you call up your youth group when someone invites you to a movie, so you can turn it into a youth event

If you’ve ever have told a kid that you couldn’t wrestle them because they weren’t 18 yet, but told them that when they turn 18, you will

If you’ve wrestled 18 year olds and you’re more than 5 years older than them

If people estimate your age to be 5 or more years less than you are

If you are single, but have more than two beds in your house, for lock-ins

If you still refer to church as “big people church” or “adult church” to differentiate from youth group

If you don’t sound weird when you use street slang in a sermon

If you’ve ever explained street slang when you’ve used it in a sermon in “adult church”

If you’ve ever had to defend a kid’s actions to his parents and the parent’s s to a kid

If you’ve ever had a youth lesson that you hoped that none of the adults would come in on, because you might get in trouble for the need-to-talk-about subject material

If your youth kids ask you birds-and-bees questions that they’re embarassed to ask their parents about

If you feel comfortable talking about birds-and-bees things (at least to the point that you don’t blush, so the kids won’t crack up laughing)

If you crack up laughing when middle schoolers make jokes, but feel bad because you can’t repeat them at work

If slapstick comedy is a form of high art

If you read the post about no-shave-november and thought it might be a good idea

If you describe your job in five different ways, depending on who asks

If you’ve ever gotten in trouble for running in the sanctuary

If your main reason for wanting a significant other is to reach out to the opposite gender in the youth group

If everyone in the youth group tries to get you hooked up with every person of the opposite sex who’s about your age

If you are excited about and dread youth group simultaneously

If you borrow music, video games, and/or movies from kids in your youth group

If you’ve ever shared your deodorant and not felt weird about it, or brought an extra just in case someone else might need it
Lucas

Aw man, all this posting, and I just found out that it was over ten hours ago… *sigh* I could have SLEPT another hour! *grins*
Chris

You carry a first aid kit at all times that contains not only band aids and first aid stuff, but extra deoderant, tooth paste and tooth brushes, tampons and maxi pads, saline solution, a deck of cards and peanut butter crackers, you might be a youth worker!
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http://porumfbc.org daniel

You might be a youth worker if…

Your only friends are 15 years younger than you.

Camp is considered one of your two weeks of vacation.

you discovered that marshmallows hurt when thrown.

you have ever been in a church business meeting and someone says, “Oh, we can get the youth to do that.”

you have ever been in Mcdonalds and the manager asks you to get your students out of the play area.

your students dare you to walk through a drive thru and order…and you do!
http://www.studentministry.org Tim Schmoyer

WOW!! With almost 300 great ideas for “You might be a youth worker if,” you have no idea how extremely difficult it is to narrow the results down to 10! Besides consulting my wife, I took the liberty to get input from one of my youth workers from church, as well, to help narrow down all your awesome ideas. Here’s what we came up with:

Top 10: “You might be a youth worker if”

10. If you go to a restaurant with your in-laws and your wife kicks you under the table to keep you from shooting the paper straw cover. [Paul]

9. If you’ve ever declared, “Dude, that would be sooooo hardcore!” in response to a senior pastor’s suggestion. [Tammie]

8. If people pull up to a red light and find you with the bass cranked up singing at the top of your lungs in the church van. [Amy]

7. If you have ever considered the idea of going to a buffet and then to Wal-mart to buy laxatives and see who can “hold it” the longest, you might be a youth worker. [Ryan]

6. If you check to see how much hair is growing on the milk that expired in 2006 in the church frig, but you don’t throw it out because you think you can turn it into a lesson somehow. [Ryan]

5. If your senior pastor catches you playing football in the lobby by the glass entry doors and says to you, “You shouldn’t be doing that” while standing in front of the students and you wait until he walks away to resume the game because it’s 3rd and 1 and you’re about to score to win the game. [Chris]

4. If you’ve ever had to punish someone for something that deep down you thought was the funniest thing you’ve ever seen. [Chad]

3. If you can make life applications from watching Dumb and Dumber, you might be a youth worker. [Ryan]

2. If you have ever said to yourself, “I can’t believe I get paid to do this!” and “They don’t pay me enough for this” all in the same night. [Brian]

1. If you get to heaven and it takes six angels to carry around you crown. [Brian]

The top three winners are Brian, Ryan and Chad! Thanks to everyone who participated, though. This was such a blast! I can’t wait for the next youth worker humor list we do. :)
Rebecca Ross

You might be a youth worker if you still think rolling peoples house is fun.

You might be a youth worker if you carry around panty hose, tennis balls, and other weird things in your car at all times.

You might be a youth worker if you are always getting blamed for the sound equpiment being messed up.
Paul Irminger

If you are over 25 years old and ranked over 40 in halo 3, you might be a youth worker.

If an average work day includes, starbucks, video games, forums, and using at least 3 objects for purposes they were not created for, you might be a youth worker.
Rusty

You might be a youth pastor… if you are covered in shaving cream and armed with a full can and a water gun and one of your youth points to you when asked by the camp director where their youth pastor is.
Alana

…if you’ve ever been skinny dipping with a group of minors and wondered why everyone thought it was a bad idea?!
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Sue

If when at the minior injury clinic you check “YES” to the box which says “Was the injury work related?”

When the doctor at the injury clinic says…”What do you mean you got hit with a skateboard?”

Allow me to add on…
You might be a FEMALE youth worker if:

You refer to yourself as the “Youth Guy” just to mess with people.

You go to a youth worker conference and everyone seated near you has facial hair and shaves their head.

The boys hug you as much if not more, than the girls do.

If you “get” teenage drama…even though it makes you want to spew!
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http://www.epicjunk.blogspot.com Scott Murray

You are asked by a student in your group, “So, what do you do for your REAL JOB?”
Susan

You might be a youth minister if all crumbs lead to your office.
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Hannah

You might be a youth work if…

your last three cell phones were all hand-me-downs from your youth
Alicia

when you take the youths to their Youth Conventions, every year and you don’t get any sleep those 3 days straight in the Motel, you are a youth pastor.

when the Youth Conventions dates always lands on your anniversary, and there is nobody else to take your place, you are a youth pastor. (one year, the youths surprised my husband and I with a cake and candle light setting in the motel room)

when your kids complain that on family night, why are all the youths hanging out with us? you are a youth pastor..

when your home is always filled with kids, and you only have 3, you are a youth pastor.

when one of your youths is having family problems, and you take him/her home for the weeknd, you are a youth pastor.

when you decided to have a lock in at the church and you don’t get any sleep, you are a youth pastor.

when its 1:00 a.m. and you get a call about a sad inicident, you are a youth pastor.

when the parents complain, “we didn’t do that when we were their age!” you are a youth pastor.

when you listen to christian reagaee, hip hop, alternative, rap etc, and you like it, you are a youth pastor.
http://www.ccsola.org Edwin

You might be a youth pastor if you can start a moshpit in the sanctuary and not get in too much trouble.
gene

You might be a youth pastor if you struggle answering the question “how many children do you and your wife have?”
Jeff

If an adult Church member asks you about your ministry, and after you tell her you teach middle school boys she says “bless your heart”

you might be a youth worker
http://caughtnottaught.blogspot.com/ ED…

If you can assemble a trampoline safely in less than 10 minutes.

If your idea of a balanced meal is something from each of the four major food groups of stodge, burgers, chips and stodge.

If you go into computer games stores and know the catalogues better than the dudes who work there.

If you can set up rock band / guitar hero, on any platform, in less than 5 minutes.

If people have ever asked you “When are we going to see the young people in the service on Sundays” and you haven’t told them the absolutely true answer that you’re thinking.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Stop whining, the glass fell out the way.” (ie it didn’t fall into the building for once.)

If you’ve ever wished mutilation, plague and death upon the person who stores things in your cupboards.

If parents have ever said to you, “He’s too young for ‘the talk’” when you know that the last three girls he’s had sex with might have other opinions.

If you have had complaints about the noise from church neighbours.

If you have had complaints about the noise from church neighbours’ neighbours.

If you no longer read books, or watch films without an eye to their illustrative quality for talks you have to give.

If you have meetings scheduled with adults who don’t show.

If your office is called “the black hole”.

If you rally to the cry of “I thought you were bringing the …”

If you are really really careful to check for every scratch and dent when you hire a minibus, but hope the hire people won’t be when you take it back.

If you are the world’s leading authority on IT, websites, projectors, drama, art, design, lighting, driving, counseling, texting, relationships, speaking, the addresses and phonenumbers of the entire congregation, and your specialist mastermind subject is “the inner workings of the women’s guild”.
Erin

You might be a youth worker/pastor if….

you find the fellowship time food leftovers are marked “youth group.”

someone on the CE committee explained you didn’t need a computer because you use your personal computer from home.

you can write skits in less than 10 minutes.

the left over Christmas decorations are “donated” to the youth group.

you are always in the back to the line at the fellowship dinner because the “youth are in-charge,” putting on the program or are just in the habit!

spend your last $20 buying candy at the dollar store to have enough candy for the bible trivia winners.

You divulge your greatest hiding spot ever to the new kid whose parents are late picking them up.

you get told by many adults on the same day that they wish they were teens again to be in the youth group!

you are reading all of the posts above and already making the list your are going to post in your head and noting the ones not to duplicate. (Screaming “I can’t believe I get paid to do this”)
Jeremy

You might be a youth worker if . . . you’ve snickered at the sign on the church’s front door that reads “please remove rubbers” and then wondered what they really meant.
. . . you sold your car to buy a minivan just so you can hold more youth in it.
. . . when someone asks how many kids you have you respond with sixty-two and then show them pictures of each one.
. . . you actually remember sixty-two kids names and something about each one, even when you can’t remember anything else to save your soul.
. . . you remember with fondness the lake outing when the water was freezing and you gave and received a concussion cracking heads with another youth who was taken to hospital for stitches to the head, but it was worth it cause some older church people got to know and build relationships with the youth.
http://cefcmonroe.org Tom

… You miss your youth when you go on vacation.

… You have planned a Chocolate Extravaganza, where everyone pretty much has to throw away their clothes at the end of the evening (but you kept your brown underwear as a souvenir)

… You can remember the first few months hearing: "You're not like ___ (insert previous youth pastor's name here)" but you knew you'd eventually be able to look back on those days and smile.

… You regularly pray for kids at your church other than your own.
http://chrisbrownquiz.blogspot.com/ Deandre McLaughlin

I just dont get that in this day and age someone who is seen as a role model is putting out the message its ok and marrying him is just nuts!!
Nathan Crawford

You read through the entire list of "You might be a youth worker if…" and take notes because, "Man, these sound awesome!"

I'm about to take on my first youth ministry, so these where fun. I'm looking forward to creating my own "You might be a youth worker if…" list someday. Thank you Tim and all who added. Huge blessing.
Kim

If you know that church vans rocks … literally, you might be a youth worker.
http://www.pacefumc.org Monique Holland

You might be a youth worker if….

The rules on your camp brochure include the following:
The toilet is NOT a toy
The pool is NOT a substitute for a shower
http://www.kidsfootballkit.com/ Kids Football Shirt

You might be a youth worker if you can leave the youth room with your sides hurting from laughing so hard and not want to change anything about it you might be a youth worker.
Marcos

You might be a Youth worker if…

You think its a great idea to give kids a massive sugar rush every Sunday School meeting, because you know that half of them would fall asleep during class without it.

Its 3:00am and your at a lock-in and your wondering how can these kids possibly still be awake and just waiting for it to be 6:00am so that you can get your revenge and wake them all up by ringing the Sunday School bell.
http://www.bestfreesms.com Good Night Quotes

I think we need to go for the better things, idea is great and thanks for sharing.
http://mic6-8.blogspot.com/ Benjer

This is a really old thread, but I couldn't resist because I just did it: You might be a youth worker if you have ever emailed your pastor with an idea for a youth event and began the email, "Before you say 'no'…"
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1667031940 Ahren Cahoon

-If you've ever had to talk Mall Security out of calling the cops so that a new student could still go on a youth retreat instead of to jail.
-If you've ever had a kid get a concusion because his arms and legs were taped together and he couldn't cusion his own fall.
-If you ever forced sugar into a student at 3am to get them out of diabetic shock at camp.
-If you've ever warned every neighbor within 300yards of your church that you're holding an event this weekend.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1667031940 Ahren Cahoon

-If you ever have a student introduce you to a friends as, "See this scar right here (pointing to head) this is the guys I was telling had a 'brilliant idea' about……
-If you've ever had students skip school to visit you but thought it was OK because they brought you Taco Bell.
-If you've ever yelled, cried, laughed, sang, snorted, prayed, and talked to yourself in the course of 1 hour
-If you've ever purches 600" of bungee chord, a parachute harness, and a set of oversized eyebolts in one trip
-If you've ever had enough of it & almost quit but couldn't think of a single thing you'd rather do…you might be a youth pastor.

michael

absolutely awesome

Stefanie

You might be a youth worker if the girl in the bunk next to you gets upset when you tell her to get off her phone at midnight b/c you're trying to sleep and she apologizes for her attitude the next day, when she finds out you're actually an adult.

You might be a youth pastor if you are the only one who knows exactly how many seat belts in the church van don't work.

You might be a youth pastor if you know how to lock the benches in the church van back into place after one flys up mid-turn (with a teen still sitting on it).

You might be a youth pastor if the highlight of your Wednesday night is getting a punk thirteen year old to comment on something spiritual.

You might be a youth pastor in college when you have more homework than your teens.

You might be a youth pastor if the coolest room in the church is where you gather your students every week to play crazy games and have intense spiritual discussions.
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KAREN

I loved reading these. The one that came to my mind is :

You might be a youth worker if you wait for church camp to get "new" towels when no one claims them.

Also:

If one of your kids that you taught in 2nd grade surrenders to the ministry & you 're just as proud of him as his parents.
http://www.facebook.com/ed.lilley Ed Lilley

Enter text right here!
Michael Adams

You might be a Youth Worker if…

You have cleaned up puke in the church van and/or your own personal vehicle.

You were taught the 'dougie' by your youth

You can plan, set up, and organize a game in less than 10 minutes.
http://www.facebook.com/gchicklet Liz IrishCream Mitchell

This has been bringing tears to my eyes!!!

You might be a VOLUNTEER youth worker if you….

Walked into the youth room to find that the high school students were SaranWrapping the Youth Pastor to a chair and instead of helping you grab your camera so you can video tape it and post it on YouTube and/or Facebook. (completely true story!)

You've had to tell the Youth Pastor that you were getting pretty good at accompanying students to strange ER rooms during trips/retreats. (sprained ankle on the mission trip, 12 stitches on the Winter Retreat)

You've watched in horror/disgust/amazed amusement as a grocery bag full of student vomit was thrown out the window of the van you were driving on the highway, almost hitting the windshield of a passing Semi. This has been immortalized as the day a fellow volunteer "chucked the chuck."

You had to pull your car over because you were laughing to hard when you learned that a new student thought you were 16 (I'm 33) and she freaked out when you told her you were older than the YP (he's 28) because she thought he was 40.

You've ever had the new YP look at you like you just grew a third eyeball when you informed him that the Youth owns 3 toilets in the basement that have been plugged with spray foam and never used for their original intended purpose because the former youth pastor filled them with lemonade so the students could bob for babyruths, and they also served as punchbowls during the ministry fair.

You've ever spent three hours scooping the filling out of twinkies and replacing it with sardines, okra, peppercorns, relish, and about 20 other random ingredients, and fail to notice the smell.

You've ever agreed to play football with a boiled cow tongue.
http://www.Eizz2k.com Tana Rampy

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